Behold, the 27 Cheesiest, Most Ridiculous Romance Novel Covers

by Julie Sprankles

optional screen reader

Julie's Most Recent Stories

February 9, 2017 at 8:55am EST

These super-cheesy romance novel covers are sure to make you feel some kind of way. 

• DEFCON 1

  

  Something tells me that uniform isn’t military issue, but she doesn’t seem to mind. 

• Talk about otherworldly

  

  If his massive sword doesn’t ward off evil spirits, surely his rippling abs will. 

• Ahoy, matey

  

  “Look, over there in the distance? Do you see it? I believe it’s subtlety. We sailed right by it!” 

• Royally campy

  

  Only one woman is worthy of his secret, which could be that he’s an invertabrate. Seriously, check the legs.

• Their love is flo-real

  

  My best guess is that the wedding had to wait due to floral interference. 

• Prisoner of love

  

  She is being held captive by his gaze. He is being held captive by his own shirt.

• So many questions

  

  Wait, is he the secretary? What do his pecs have to do with this? So. Many. Questions.

• Every breath you take

  

  Sting lyrics and a Mountie uniform? Hot doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

• Match made in heaven

  

  Homeboy’s beige pants look like no pants. Then again, that might be the look he was going for.

• Lady in red

  

  Methinketh someone was listening to “Lady in Red” on repeat when this cover was designed.

• Harlequin hair, don’t care

  

  This guy could give Fabio a run for his money. I mean… that hair, though. 

• Innuendo, much?

  

  You know and I know what “sword” is a euphemism for in this scenario. 

• A shining example

  

  If your love makes the forest glow, it must be true… or, you know, an alien invasion.

• On cloud nine

  

  What are they even sitting on? Clouds? Feathers? Baby flamingos? 

• Great Scot!

  

  Highlander is either being coy, feeling great shame or doing the ol’ pit-sniff B.O. check.

• Gettin’ steamy

  

  How chivalrous of him to protect her torso from those dangerously close tiki torches. 

• Wisteria Lane 2.0

  

  Designer A: “This couple doesn’t seem believable enough.” Designer B: “Add more flowers.”

• Hot to trot

  

  The look on the horse’s face pretty much says it all, y’all. 

• Witchy woman

  

  Her passion apparently burns with the moon’s cold flame, which sounds, well, painful. 

• Take my breath away

  

  Lady Beresford is clearly enraptured. That, or her corset is too tight and she can’t actually breathe.

• When you say nothing at all

  

  Perhaps the heart is silent because it has no idea how to respond to that hair. 

• Hot on the trail

  

  To be clear, this is nothing like the Matt Damon movie Good Will Hunting.

• Fickle fate

  

  “Gosh damn it, Brian… get your head together. I can’t find any pants!” 

• Shh, don’t tell

  

  For a bed that is trying to keep a secret, that comforter sure is loud. 

• Happily ever obligated

  

  Ah, yes, the foot pop… an unequivocal sign some serious neckin’ is about to go down. 

• Like a boss

  

  Who needs a long-haired Lothario when you’ve got a pantsuit like this? Not Valerie. 

• Hot air balloons, castles & mountains, oh my!

  

  Why stop at hot air balloons when you can do a castle and mountains, too? This cover went for broke.

optional screen reader

Tags

Never Miss a Thing

The stories you care about, delivered daily.

ad

{{ result.published_at | date: "%h %d, %Y" }}

ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7tLTEpKWor6NjsLC5jp6lrZ2iqa6qusyepa1no6G2pbHSoaawZ2duhHV7wqGcnqupYr%2BwucCnmp5lnqTDprjSaA%3D%3D